Review: The Roost

The Roost (2005)

Plot: Four friends sidetracked on the way to a wedding must fight off vampire bats and zombies.

My take: Wanted to get into the Halloween mood, so I rented this at Blockbuster based on the box cover and the quotes. Something about it sits right with me. It is a student film feature (one location, 6 actors) and some scenes were slow and needed urgency but given they had probably $100 bucks to make it, they used it all on screen. Lighting was good, acting okay. Make up SFX fine, too. Tom Noonan ("Monster Squad" and "Manhunter") opens and closes film as Creature Feature host on fake late night tv channel. I appreciated that even though this film has no comedy relief, it sets itself up as camp right away and pays homage to fright films. It was released by the Showtime channel. Check out director Ti West's short "Prey" in the bonus material.

Mood to be in: When you want something Blair Witch Project-esque but with more frights and gore. Reminded me of the original Night of the Living Dead

Review: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

Plot: Based on a comic by the same name, literary figures join forces to battle evil folks trying to take over the world.

My Take: This movie took a lot of abuse when it was released. Why, I ask? It is pure Saturday matinee magic. Full of plot twists, good sfx, and the right balance of dialogue & and action scenes, this film satisfies. Having Captain Nemo, Allan Quartermain, Ms. Harker (from Dracula), Dorian Gray, Tom Sawyer, the Invisible Man, and Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde work together to kick ass against The Phantom is a reader's film fantasy come true. By the way, I thought naming the villain "The Phantom" sounded stupid since the rest of the movie is so clever, but rest assured my friends, there is more to the Phantom than meets the eye!

Mood To Be In: Rainy days, sunny days, alone, with a group or with your kids this film plays the mood gamut. By the way, I have no kids yet but am starting a collection of DVD's I want to introduce them to. This one makes the cut.

Review: The Match

The Match (1999)
Plot: Patrons of two pubs in an Irish village compete in a soccer match to settle a 100 year old bet.

My take: I'm a sucker for a good underdog sports movie and I'm a super sucker for a great Irish film. This is both and then some. Not only is the main plot the perfect sports formula, but The Match has many fun subplots, too. You root for the lead and his gimp leg trying to get the girl. You root for the heart broken American trying to get it on with the lead's girl's mom. You root for the villain to be defeated. You even root for the man who falls in love with his cow (don't ask, just watch!). How I missed this gem before now will forever plague me. I got it from the library last week and watched while on the treadmill and boy, was I going faster during the final soccer match. Go work out to it today!

Mood To Be In: When you want to watch something that gives you the same fun feeling as Waking Ned Devine this is it. If you need to match it with another sports movie, it would make a great double feature with the soccer flick, Victory with Sly Stallone and Michael Caine especially after a few pints of Guinness!

Review: Heaven Help Us

Heaven Help Us (1984)
Plot: Teen angst at a Catholic high school in Brooklyn 1965.

My Take: When you rewatch the films you loved as a teenager, which ones really stand the test of time? Breakfast Club? Probably. Better Off Dead? Maybe. Hot Dog The Movie? Probably not. When Heaven Help Us was released in theatres I remember passing on it because no one else I knew vouched for it (peer approval was very important). I caught it on video a year later and it blew me away. Now, almost 20 years later, watching it again, I realize that this is the best teen angst film ever made. It's funny, intelligent, well written, directed and acted (finally, actual teenagers were cast instead of 25 year olds posing as teenagers). Above all it has what most films of this genre lacked: innocence. . And the best part is that it isn't Hollywoodized. It's very down to earth and believable.

Mood To Be In: This film goes with anything; rainy Sunday's, sick days, or Friday night's main attraction. Need to get in touch with your past? It's a great time travel vehicle. Depressed? It's the pill that you need. Feel like somewhere you made a wrong turn in your life choices and need a new direction? Let this film rekindle those big dreams you once had.

Review: What Were We Thinking?! From Innocence to Decadence

What Were We Thinking?! From Innocence to Decadence
Plot: compilation of sex ed films from the 1950's

My Take: Oh my God this rocks!! Comprised of three short films (around 20 min each): When Hormones Attack! All about puberty. The coach is my favorite especially when he explains to Billy what a wet dream is. Also, look for the first Darren from Bewitched who must be 14 or 15; Cupid's List, about dating and marriage (feminist beware!), is horribly edited and seems to be made from several films. If you can follow the story you are a less drunk person than I was when watching; and, finally, Enemies of Youth dealing with the evil of drugs (think Reefer Madness).

Mood To Be In: The kind of mood that comes on due to consumption of Vodka and tonics! Seriously, when you want to really laugh at what man once taught it's youth. This dvd was made to be watched with a crowd. Great to play in the background of a party, too. Put it on repeat in a side room and enjoy watching your guests gravitate towards it.

Where to Find It: In Atlanta, Ella Guru used cds (in Toco Hills) has if for $10. Victoryrecords.com distributes it.

Review: Word Wars

Word Wars (2003)
Plot: Documentary following four of the top Scrabble (that's right, I said Scrabble) players to the 2002 national championship.

My Take: I'm a doc freak especially when the subject is something quirky like Scrabble. They remind me of how interesting the world really is. The four guys followed have no life, no jobs, and no chance of getting laid, but they can rock Scrabble tiles like nobody's business. I had no idea what a very intense, competitive world Scrabble can be. In fact, one of the subjects calls himself G.I. Joel. G.I. stands for gastro intestinal that I'm sure he gets from non stop playing. What's great about this doc is that it clocks in at a perfect 83 minutes. It long enough to tell a whole story but short enough to keep you truly interested.

Mood To Be In: When you want to see bonafide, real world, nerds aplenty and want to experience a world very unlike yours. I watched it after six brain numbing hours of income tax prepping and it instantly got me back in a good mood.

Review: BaadAssss Cinema

BaadAssss Cinema (2002)

Plot: A documentary on 'blaxploitation' films produced by the Independent Film Channel.

My Take: I love compilations of b-movie trailers because they give me that shot of cheese that I need without having to watch a whole film that usually is not as good as the trailer anyway. That's how I feel about many of these films. What's so great about this documentary is that it not only shows you the best (unedited!) scenes and dialogue from films like Shaft, Coffy, and Blacula, but it really goes into what the social and political climate was like at the time. Also, every major player from Richard Roundtree to Pam Grier and even Quentin Tarantino (I especially liked the opposing views of the film historians) are interviewed and the whole doc sums up 1972-1977 in 54 minutes.

Mood To Be In: When you have a film from this genre already lined up for your Saturday night fun, let this be the opening act. It's short, it'll set the mood and will add to the experience. Pam Grier's naked body certainly added to my experience.

Review: Jesus Christ Vampire Killer

Jesus Christ Vampire Killer (2002)

Plot: Vampires are on the loose in Canada. Two priest call on the only cat who can help, Jesus Christ. He shaves the beard, updates his wardrobe and seeks out some bloodsuckers.

My take: This is part of the new trend I call "fresh camp". New campy films for a new generation. First saw the ad for this in Psychotronic Magazine I think. Remembering the ass-kicking priest that I loved so much in Peter Jackson's Dead Alive, I made mental note to catch it. Finally rented it last week, but, once it started playing, I fast forwarded much of it and then lost interest. I'm all for cheese, but this was so low buget it never sucked me in. All the dialoge was looped, the costumes bought at Party City, the acting not so good, and the fight sequences either made up on the spot or poorly executed. Everything took place during the daylight. I guess this was to save on renting a lighting package, but vampires hate sunlight, right? I don't think they ever addressed that. The poster is cool and I'm glad that in this political climate it did get distribution, I just wish it had more spice to it.

Mood To Be In: When you want to see something very, very, very, very, low budget and super homemade. Great for a gang of friends who have had many drinks and want to add their own dialoge. Turn the sound down and do your best MST3 (Mystery Science Theatre 3000).

Review of Elvis Movies for AJC

Below is my original draft for the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Howard Pousner asked me to review 14 Elvis films for the 2004 death date. Orginally, he was only going to print four or five of them, but being the cool guy he is decided to print them all (he wrote a different opening, but the reviews are exactly the same)! What's even cooler is that he had no idea who I was or if I could even write a complete sentence.

Throughout his career Elvis made over 30 films. The plots always seemed the same. Elvis, the unhappy son of an overbearing millionaire, changes identities with some poor chump so he can experience the simple life. He usually ends up with a job of a ski instructor or a boat instructor, or a dive instructor. Along the way he meets a wholesome girl like Shelley Fabares who helps cool his anger about being rich and good looking. We always find out, too, that he is a brilliant chemist who is trying to create the world’s best wood sealant so he can patch his boat and win the big race.

Today, Turner Classic Movies won’t be playing those tired old plotted movies. No, sir. This time they’ve dug into the vaults and are bringing to the small screen some of Elvis’ different and more unique pieces of filmed art. Such as:

Follow That Dream (1962)Renamed by Col. Tom Parker Follow Me to the Bank. Set in the backwoods of Florida. Eatin’ possum and lovin’ the ladies. Good family fun. Elvis was conscious for 13 % of the filming.

Kid Galahad (1962)
Elvis, Charles Bronson, and Ed Asner together in a boxing movie. Imagine a musical Rocky only not good.

Kissin' Cousins (1964)
Played very well in lower Alabama and West Virginia. Not sure why.
Girl Happy (1965)
Elvis tries desperately to keep a teenage girl away from an eager rock star suitor. Not long after, Elvis starts dating 14-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu. Oh, the irony.

Viva Las Vegas (1964)Elvis and Ann-Margret get it on and off the Vegas strip while Priscilla vows to teach any of their future children never to marry a pop music singer.

Double Trouble (1967)True story of a sexy pair of billionaire twins dealing with the realities of show business when one confesses to having anorexia…wait, sorry, wrong story, I was looking at People magazine. In this one, Elvis sings, dances and romances the ladies in London.

Jailhouse Rock (1957)
I’m not gonna bag on this movie because it was actually good. So good I wanted to break the law.
Spinout (1966)Spinout. Spin the bottle. What’s the difference? Three beautiful babes, all vying for the King’s affection. Any way you spin it, Elvis wins.

Frankie and Johnny (1966)Elvis gets to makeout with Ellie May Clampett and chum it up with Col. Potter from MASH. Heck, I’d be just as happy with this film if it were the other way around!

Live a Little, Love a Little (1968)
…swivel your pelvis a little, sing a little, act very little. Elvis plays a photographer for a girlie magazine. Elvis, meet Bob Crane. Bob Crane, meet Elvis. You two should compare work. Dick Sargeant (Darrin No. 2 from Bewitched) co-stars.
Stay Away, Joe (1968)
“…Yeah, stay away, Joe, but you, the extra in the day-glo hot pants, come on over, baby. You like ‘Nutter Butter sandwiches? How about wrestlin’ in Wesson oil?”

Harum Scarum (1965)
Another original plot involving Elvis in heavy make-up surrounded by scantily clad women, and singing without a microphone. Note to Elvis: At this point in your career, you should’ve fired Col. Tom for making you act in basically the same movie over and over. Badly.

It Happened at the World's Fair (1963)
Crop-dusting Elvis loses his plane because of gambling debts. Favorite Elvis quote from this film: “I love the smell of pesticides and peanut butter-banana sandwiches in the morning.” Okay, maybe it’s not in the movie, but it should’ve been.

Elvis on Tour (1972)
Prequel to Metallica: Some Kind of Monster. Only Elvis doesn’t seek out therapy, look for more meaning in his work, or successfully go through drug rehab. Three things we all wish he had done. You died way too early, King.


Dean Crownover is a full-time actor in Atlanta who has been known to don the King’s jumpsuit from time to time. He made the award-winning mockumentary We Three Kings about two Elvis impersonators who hire a third to complete their trilogy and aspire to win a contest. Check him out at Elvisness.com.